It goes without saying

That finding the will or the inspiration to write and breathe life into my poor neglected blog has been an unsurmountable challenge. The grind and pull of daily life is indeed relentless. It's not made any easier when you're raising a wee one on your own.

I have however, have had the delight of an unexpected visit from a dear old friend miss sal sal from oz this week. It's been so lovely to see her. It's funny how having her back in town for a week has made me realise just how lonely I've been here. It's a huge anonamous city... it's kind of like quick sand, in that before you know it you can be swallowed up and disappear. Added to the fact that I certainly find it hard to ask for help from the friends I do have makes it an even greater challenge to keep my head above the sand. Life is all about balance and acheiving that here is proving the biggest challenge of my life.

However, this week in celebration of miss andrea's b'day , sal sal andrea and I trapsed off to the So spa in st james for a day of pampering. What a delightful and luxurious day. Pathetic i know but i felt both so happy and so sad during the whole time. Delighted that i was with my friends but sad as I miss so much my old life where we were all together in London... so true in that you don't know how good something is until it's gone. Well, we hot tubbed gossiped, got massaged, had a very delish afternoon tea and then rounded off the day with a delish cocktail at the charlotte st hotel.

One week left of the grind before wee me and I jet off to Canadialandia to visit the family. One sneaky week in cuba tucked in the middle to truly relax. What a year it's been... lots of tears lots of challenges and lots of successes... I'm praying that next year will be a year of calm, joy and renewed faith in love and all that is good.

Little Madame

Is growing like a weed! She's such a pretty thing (okay I'm allowed to say that i'm her mum). She's started tennis lessons (whith the hope that one day she will play with me).

My office is awash of burgeoning bellies as two of my colleagues are now expecting. Luke and Helena (my friends who I set up with one and other years ago) are expecting their first bebe in a few weeks! I'm so delighted for all of them. I am not certain I could ever go through it all again... I'm really enjoying having a little partner in crime with Sienna. Now that she's older she truly is a lovely companion. She says the most delightful things at times, I can fall about with laughter. She told her teacher the other day that she wanted to be a Doctor so she could buy a house with a swimming pool. She also laughed at me the other day when i was answering her question about what our friend Char's husband's job was. As I was telling her, she burst out laughing and said to me "silly mummy, daddy's don't work only mummies do!" imagine that! I wonder where on earth she got that concept from *cough*.

I've got a weekend of girlie fun ahead. Chiara is here and so is vero, whom I've not seen for a whole year now! I think Autumn is in town too and Eric next week. I guess until I pluck up the pennies to return to Barca for a visit, Barca will quite simply, come to me!

I also have a date with a lovely Canadian bloke this Saturday which I'm really looking forward to. I don't want to jinx it but what a nice guy!




Sienna sends you a hug!

I admit it

Posh bin has made life fabulous... maybe the bar is just really low right now but, man what a difference. I will never go back. I guess it's the same thing after fying in first... economy would seem like something unthinkable.

Back into the weekly grind now. My big project at work still has still not launched yet but another one is building steam... that's the problem in this sort of job... there are never any quiet periods... but it is nice when things come to a tidy finish!

Tennis lessons start for wee me next Saturday... I figure if I can't find a tennis partner, I'll make one! Her racket is so cute. We've been practising already! Swimming started back last week and the swim in the wave pool after the lesson tires us both out. We were delighted to see our new upstairs neighbours there this morning too. It's nice to have some people you know in the same vibe... they're so lovly and had invited us up to theirs last weekend for supper. It makes such a difference to have some adult company on the weekends! The kids enjoy it too so it's a win win situation! Sienna is due to pop upstairs later to play so i may just may get a chance to sneak some painting in!

Counting down the days till xmas... saving pennies so we can go to cuba or mexico while on that side of the pond for a proper break... ambitious, yes... but hey when you've not had a holiday since may 2010 and gone throught what I have then, yes, a necissary luxury!

unlike some people's blogs i often read...

yes i have the guilty admission that I read some people's blogs because I am astounded at how much I dislike them... but it's a love hate thing... they obviously catch my attention enough to make me always read them first when I check in.... but I'm not writing about them I'm writing about how far away different my guilty pleasure luxury purchase this weekend was... it was a bin for my kitchen. I have one of course but it cost 7 quid and I bought it on mare st. but after the ridiculous acceptance that my forever friend denise and my work colleague sevil both extoled the virtues of this bin... I admit I bought one. But only because I got it for 50% off the normal price. It was on sale for 40 quid rather than a hundred... so yes, even writing it feels obscene as really, that much for a bin? But yes, I'm sucker... and the syncher was friday night after work I had sienna with me in the office for a while and she was playing with the very same bin at work... facinated how she oculd open and shut it so easily... dear god am i really trying to justify it? yes, yes I am.

guilty pleasure bin... yes it's sad that pleasure has come to this...


On another note we're really enjoying having our new upstairs neighbours. The loud irish guys got the boot and in came this lovely family that have just sold up their home up the road with a view to finalise their bid on a piece of land in hackney, on which they'll build a new home and a studio to work in (they're both artists). They've got three lovely children! one who is 9 and a set of fraternal twins who are 6. Sienna is of course over the moon that she's got a potential play mate. They ever so kindly invited us to join them and their ex neighbours to supper tonight. Such a lovely bunch. I feel blessed and just that little bit less lonely. Thank you lucky stars.

New neighbours and a posh bin... what more can a simple gal like me ask for?

It's been a whole year now...

Since life as I knew it disintegrated in Barcelona. Alfredo is long gone from all of our lives. It's sad really as the only thing I can liken it to is mourning. He's not dead of course but to us he's gone the concept, the total veil of lies he created are gone forever, so therefore not dissimilar to death. I know it's crazy as the amount of financial and emotional damage he inflicted to Sienna and I along with all my friends and family was horrific, but there are days when I miss him. I know what I miss is the fake him the him that never existed so in that respect I don't think it's harmful. I miss having a partner someone to share life with and enjoy Sienna and Lilli with. I can't begin to explain how much work I've done since last August (with the help of my friends and family) to re-build my life, move countries, start a new job and 'move on'. Having this last month to myself here in London while Sienna holidayed with my family really gave me a lot of perspective... I've been trying to date with the empty hope to find someone to enjoy life with again , alas it's not that easy and nor will it ever be. I know there are stories of beautiful guys who don't care about the woman having a child and that they date, fall in love and live happily ever after... But that reality seems like a far off fairy tale to me...

So instead rather than focusing on trying to meet someone I've resolved to try and sharpen the focus elsewhere in life... get my fitness back, get miss Sienna out and about London and try not to feel so lonely. It's a long process and I'm the first to say it's not easy... but there aren't many other options to hand are there?

Nope... not doing something at all!

Well that was all just a bit silly... Doing something turned out to be doing nothing with any of them! I wrote to 14 people and not a single one wanted to do anything... hmm maybe i've got the cooties? I think I've got small child cooties, no big mystery there really :)

It's a beautiful sunny day and it's been that way all day which is no small feat in this country. I did a nice circut round the park with miss Lilli. Much better than our stroll through yesterday's downpour.

Doing something?

Well this is my last foray into internet dating. I’ve tried a few sites since I moved back to London and all with various results. There are definitely a lot of options to choose from, but since the whole process is a ‘numbers game’ or so my friends keep telling me… Mine is about to be up so after reading about this new site in my guilty weekly girly glossy magazine I couldn’t resist! It’s called http://www.doingsomething.co.uk/ I love the quirky premise and the relaxed design. Early days for them still so it’s free to join and communicate. There aren’t thousands of people on it yet either so we’ll see how it goes. Then in a few week’s time when Sienna is back from her sejour in Canada, I’ll retire from the whole process for a while. It’s quite exhausting emotionally and logistically. But man do I ever have a few stonkers to tell about. Best told over a bottle of red, not so blog suitable when one is naming and shaming!

I’m finally 85% through The Invisible Bridge I’ve been reading for the last 2 months (sad really but that just shows how busy I’ve been). But a leisurely weekend with two lie-ins and afternoon siestas helped things considerably!

Lilli and I have been doing our morning jogs in the park… much to her chagrin of course. It never fails to amuse me at just how ridiculous one looks while jogging with a tiny dog… but the sad truth is that she’s always ahead of me and never tires before I do. We won’t tell anyone about that…

A month of freedom of sorts...

My fabulous mother has whisked miss Sienna off to spend a month in Canada frolicking and playing with her relations. I'm here, with the evil Chihuahua making sure that I get up to plenty of mischief...

Having time entirely to my self after work is hilarious. I honestly feel like a teenager again. I've been enjoying the toils of internet dating, seeing friends... drinking cristal champagne with my work colleagues. Life is good! I could of course use a holiday but a change is sometimes as good as a rest I suppose...

I've re-discovered the joy of a lie-in on the weekend and the delights of early morning walks in the park with Lilli without feeling guilty about dragging Sienna out of bed to come with me!

Best get a move on... only a few days more left of this new found freedom.... shopping with miss Andrea awaits after the collection of her new fabulously re-set blue diamond that has become the 'engagement' ring that goes with her wedding band! giggle!

Shameful really but it's nearly been a month

Summer has sort of come and gone and then popped back in again... I guess the key is that if you don't stop working you don't notice as much? It's strange but true but i've nearly seen more (or perhaps the same amount )of Autumn, Chiara and Siobhan than any of my friends here. It's logical really because of course it's not only my life that has changed since I last lived here... it's a case of resolving the differences I suppose and re-positioning my perspective and figure out how it all should be now.

I met two totally separate and equally lovely neighbours last week. The first was a lady in her 40's who stopped and talked to us after work one day on our way home from our walk with Lilli in the park. She said she had bought a flat in the neighbourhood 12 years ago and all her friends thought they were mad... she said she was happy to see that nice families where starting to move to the area... aww bless! Then she invited us to tea at her place which was so sweet of her. The other lady we met was a few days later during one of our early morning walks in the park... she was walking her dog with her little guy in her arms who was just about a year and a half old. She lives in one of the nice houses that face the park... again mentioned how their friends though them nuts to buy here but how happy they are here. We exchanged numbers and she kindly offered help with lilli if i ever needed it! So sweet. wow and who says london is a cold place (in temperature yes but in people not so much)

Mum arrives next week yet again to save the day. There was a delay in the big project I'm working on and it was looking less and less likely that the timing would work for me to take sienna to canada so she could spend some time with the family. So mum agreed to come and collect her. I'm gutted that i'm not going as i'm desparate for a break. It's been since last may that I've had any down time. *okay there were those few days in nyc* ... and after all the craziness that spun through at the end of the summer and moving twice and starting new job and blah blah blah. Yea, I need a break. I think two weeks on a beach in the caribean would do the trick... i'm saving up for that in my mind... ahh i guess when i finally do get a rest it will be so fabulous, it won't matter where I am.

Days seem to swirl by

...faster than I can keep track of lately. I've passed my 4 month probation at my new job... Sienna's citizenship has been granted and shortly she'll have her own little red British Passport! Lots acomplished indeed. Work has started making greater demands on my time in the evening which is all the more challenging. This weekend the accumulated exhaustion was apparent... but not so much as to keep us from a lovely cupcake shop catch up with Miss Serena in South Ken. Indeed such a different part of town in comparision to the delights of East London. We did some window shopping in the estate agents around there and hmm and hawwed between the 2,8 million and 3,2 million mews houses on offer. Ahh imagine having those options?

The most monumentous acheivment was definately sleeping in till 8h45 this morning, which sadly resulted in us missing Sienna's swimming lesson... but really!?! a lie in on a Sunday till nearly 9h (both of us), amazing!

We were blessed today with a glorious hot and sunny day today but we only managed a few hours in the park as this total exhaustion thing that I'm suffering from required a few hours of collapse on the sofa.

I'm drifting off as I write this, dreaming of a nice luxury vill holiday in Ibiza... one day soon!

Delightful indeed

Oooh how delightful were you, date from last evening? Tee hee. I shall say no more.

Unfortunately I do not appear to have won the lotto this evening although I had great illustion that it would be the case... I settled for a viewing of Made in Chelsea. It's car crash television at it's best... and yes I admit I watch it. I can't quite believe that any of them are under 25 but apparently they all are. They shot part of the episode in a bar that is part of a Hotel who's website I helped produce. The hotel always went on about how the fabulous people go there, and if these are the peeps they were referencing, all I can say is wow!

My noisy neighbours upstairs appear to be getting evicted which is fabulous. My favorite moment with them was this Friday/Sat Morning at 2h30 , when I went to knock on their door to ask them to turn the music down and the bloke so kindly explained to me that it was just kind of too bad as he'd just returned from Africa and that the party was quite simply, just getting started. I mean , really? Being the non-confrontational person that I am I just walked away. The music didn't die down at all. But my landlord is quite keen on just turfing them as it's beyond obvious that they have every intent on continusng the 24h party people homage for the foreseeable future. Amazing, I've got radar for finding flats with bozo neighbours! I think I may just offer my services out to estate agenst to help quickly weed out the bad places *as i would instantly chose them first*. Niche market perhaps?!?! I'll not quit my day job just yet.

Hello 1000!

I've been away for a long while. Mostly due to the fact that I've reached my 1000th blog entry and although it means pretty much nothing, I just couldn't face writing anything fluffy or non-insightful... but really I think I just simply had to focus energy on this new chapter of my life and finding balance. It's no small feat let me tell you.

Life is not easy, oh no most certainly not. I'm learning how to adjust with absolutely no personal time... keeping the wee one and the furry wee one *that finally arrived* happy and healthy. There isn't much time left for anything. My old social circle in London has changed entirely. Something I wasn't really prepared for but have accepted. People have moved on and that's fair enough and I clearly can't interact with them the same way I did before as I've a few more priorities in my life then when I lived here last! So from that I focus what little time I can on creating positive things, new friends and maybe if I'm lucky some romance!!!

Sienna is growing like a weed. When we first moved into this flat she couldnt' reach the light switches... now she almost doesn't even need a stool to reach the sink to brush her teeth! She's so sweet, I'm so blessed.

I'm all in gear as well to get back to Painting... need a few visits to galleries I think to pique my inspiration a bit but that's on the list of the 1001 things that I should be getting up to!

So for now, the blog is back... metnal irrigation will continue to flow... hilarious London stories to follow. I've been piling them up.



My little angel

Spring has arrived to London

Not sure if it will stay around long but here, you learn to appreciate the small episodes of sunshine...

My birthday came and went and so did the lovely Joey who came down from Scotland to have her first weekend away from her little milk monster. It was good fun... turning 35, not so much. Can't freeze time.

Sienna and I caught some rays just before we went off to work on Friday



hello! I'm not small, I am big!


If Sienna were blone... *don't freak it's my hair next to hers*

Soooooo yes I admit I tried it...

well i've tried a hell of a lot of things in my life there is do doubt about it. But miss Andrea convinced me to give online dating a try... so as with most things in life I have given it a whirl. It's been a 'laugh so hard you cry' thing... followed by the 'oh my god this is useless' and that's pretty much where it stands. But an interesting excercise nonetheless. My synopsis of the experience is that if you're nearly 35, single and have a child, forget it. The people you could imagine going on a date with want nothing to do with you... and I would love to say that even the people you don't see yourself going on a date with do... but alas that isn't even the case! I mean come on people. I sent a slew of emails and absolutamente nada. Their loss... my gain in life experience (and a few belly laughs along the way)

I'm off to the animal shelter to start my collection of cats as surely i'll need to start somewhere to start my pre-destined life of spinsterhood!


okay so i was trying to find an appropriate spinster photo on google... and seriously poor jennifer anniston as her pic kept coming up... so i went with this cat instead.

It's Saturday afternoon

i'm sat at home chilling in the lovely company of my friend Ollie. He doesn't live so far from here which is nice! Andrea and Danny are also going to stop by this afternoon for some tea and cakes. Miss Sienna is still sleeping as after lunch she couldn't handle much more and fell asleep in my arms before we even got home. The house is clean and tidy which is a sort of minor obesssion now after living in such sub clean conditions for such a long time in bcn, I've a grand appreciation for all things clean and tidy!

Work is finally starting to show signs of light over the top of the learning and adjustment to agency life curve. I've got some very kind and lovely colleagues so that helps tremendously. Sienna seems to quite like her new school although I'm horrified athat during a single 1min conversation last week one of the carers said innit to me 3 times! It is a proper east end location after all! Sienna now says water in a decidedly English accent it's pretty funny.

My lord...

Since I've written. Sienna has arrived... I've moved accounts on my new job... I've studied my ass off and passed my PRINCE2 exam. My mum left this morning and we all shed some tears...

LIfe is fast... stressful but slowly but surely I can see a nice little future shaping up. Dear me. I NEVER thought it was going to be this full on.

How much am I looking forward to sleeping in my own bed for the first time in weeks? VERY.

*collapes*

Tonight

I get the keys to our new flat and I grow one step closer to drawing a line under this whole transition process that’s been the main driver of our lives in the last 6 months.

Tomorrow marks a very exciting day for wee me. It’s her 3^rd birthday! Gutted, I am that I will not be with her until Sunday. But there will be plenty of time to celebrate once she arrives. Being apart from her for nearly a month has pulled so hard on my heart strings I can barely stand it. It had to be this way however as there was so much to arrange her to make sure her transition here was a smooth as possible. I’m so excited to see my mum again too as we’ve been spoiled in having her with us every day since the beginning of this whole palava.

I’m very slowly adjusting to the new job. So much to learn and a great deal of anxiety about if I’ll be able to do it or not. I’m sure I will it’s just that feeling of being out of your depths when you transfer from working at one place for more than 2 years and then starting again with all new processes and procedures… I’m scrambling but damn it… after all this I can’t fail now!!

Positivity, Prayers and Pennies will be gladly accepted :)

I think being back in London

Will greatly improve the diversity of my postings here. The amount of things that you observe in this big hunking city is truly amazing... Here's to brining the comedy back to this blog, we've had quite enough of the tragic kind for a long time.

I was on the tube the other night coming back from one of my numerous flat viewings. I was on the circle line heading to kings cross to make the transfer to the picadily line to head back up to andrea and dany's house... Then the most daper man i've seen in a very long time boarded the train. He was a page right out of a different time... he was immaculate, petite but so well groomed it was almost giggle-worthy. He had his hair cut in a short style with a light amount of styling cream to hold it in place without looking overstated. He wore a blue overcoat with suede lapels. A very large gold and silver rolex, a bespoke suit, a gold ring on his index finger with a few diamonds and Louis Vuitton loafers. I know that in writing this it sounds cliche which in it's own way it was but he carried it off with such an air or confidence and charm you couldnt' help but notice him. As the doors opened we arrived to the door at the same time and he halted and motioned for me to pass through before him. I did the mental tick box in my head in thinking... he doesn't just look the part, he acts it. He then floated a a great pace between all the commuters and then flounced up the staircase and out of sight. When I arrived to the next platform I had a few minutes to wait. What I didn't however notice, was the fact that he was right behind me. We boarded the next train and held the pole in the middle of the carriage as at that time of night the train was very crowded. It was so funny as I couldn't help but stare at him. He was such an interesting creature. I wanted to know his name his story and I cant' describe it but I just couldn't get over how old school English he looked. I'm sure he couldn't help but notice me processing him... So out I flick my ipod and in an attempt at subtle humour shuffled up 'this charming man' by the smiths. As I've got an ipod touch you can see the album cover and song name on the display. I'm almost certain he noticed it. Ha ha tube flirting!!

As the train pulled into my station I promised myself that if he got off the train at my stop I would ask him for a drink.... I got off, turned back to see if he too had gotten off, but alas he did not so my chance was lost... he wisked away along to wherever was his final destination.

I smiled all the way home...

One step closer

I found a flat finally... close to where I lived before... the places I saw where seriously sketchy... Pretty frightening as all of them were minimum 330 quid a week! So the location for work may not be the best but Sienna and I are going to attempt to commute either by bus or by scooter. I'm sussing out which scooter will be best. If we can do Scooter I imagine us getting there in close to the same time as if we rode a bike which sadly is still a bit too risky for my liking on London roads.

The anti-climax of the flat finding I'm hoping is good. I guess when you wait for something for so long sometimes when you get it there is more resignation rather than delight. I guess once we're in there and we make it ours it will be better!

Sienna's visa came through too and thank god for that as if it didn't I would be in one seriously dubious situation. So for once, the stars aligned.

My lunch meeting today with my recruiter was cancelled so I've got the day to myself! I'm hoping to pop by the art fair and see jo!

Two more weeks to wait till Sienna arrives. I'm gutted not to be with her on her 3rd birthday but what can you do??? We will celebrate as soon as she arrives!

I did actually arrive...

I do sort of feel like I was sucked into a vortex once I i did though. A wash of old memories of having arrived here all those years ago for the first time. It's been so difficult to be without Sienna but also quite good as there is no way on earth I would have been able to flat hunt with her. The market is not very friendly right now and even after pushing back my work start date by a week to try and allow time to view more places... still no joy.

However on the most positive note ever... they finally approved Sienna's settlement visa. I was really begining to worry they wouldn't issue it and then I would be in a nightmare situation. But yesterday they gave me the good news which lightens my heart immensely. So within the next week or so she will be here with me! Lilli not for a few more months yet but we're getting there slowly!

I don't know really how on earth I ended up back here. I was a quick decision made during a very stressful time. All will seem a bit more focused once I am back in a flat that is ours.

I'm mastering the fine art of patience.

kind of...

Waiting...

I'm sitting waiting at the departure lounge at the airport. It's a bittersweet departure as wee me and lilli are not with me. Sienna's visa did not arrive in time and thus she has to wait till it arrives and once it does my mum will bring her over to join me. The dog will have to wait a few months longer until all her paperwork is cleared. Starting again is an exceedingly expensive ordeal especially on your own... but still, I've worked my ass off these last few months to recover from what was left for me to sort out in BCN.

It's been a tough few months in a lot of way but it was made so much easier by being with my family and although not many of them live in Toronto, my friends from all over have been so amazingly supportive and kind. I'm kind of amazed how a series of wrong doings by one selfish person can result in such a long string of things to fix and re-build... but with everything in life, you can but carry on and make good of things that were once really bad. I'm there now. Wee me is there too although it's been even tougher for her as she doesn't understand why things are as they are and struggles to resolve quite just what to make of it all.

In about a week's time I'll be starting a new job in a new city and in a new flat (god willing). Amazing, scary and positive all at the same time. Everyone keeps telling me how strong and brave I am. I don't quite see it that way but I'm trying to believe that perhaps maybe I am and just can't see it??

The flight across from me is boarding to Varadero. Lucky peeps! My flight is full to the rafters of people setting off to hundreds of destinations. The airport is kind of a buzz with anticipation but mostly from the people who are soon to arrive to cuba, but i don't blame them!

NYC was amazing. Spending time with one of my favorite people was really fun and also relaxing. I don't think I quite factored how much it would hurt my heart to leave him at the end of the weekend but I guess that's normal with this big move on the radar for the next day. I got to see Yvonne and Benoit who are as fabulous as ever, and also my beautiful cousin David which was also a delight. We ate, visited the met and did a fair bit of walking around even though it was very chilly. Having a lay in every morning was just a ridiculous luxury. I'm one lucky girl. There is quite simply no doubt about it.

New beginnings are always so much easier in January...

funny that? well okay, yea maybe not. I'm so overrun with things to do in the next 24h I've no idea how I'm going to do it all! I honestly feel like a kid just before xmas... I've even got butterflies in my stomach. I'm sad to be finishing up with my current job but happy to be moving to new adventures and a fab new employer. I'm really hoping that my time in NYC with one of my favorite peeps is just what I need to unwind a bit before jetting off next Monday with wee me for our new chapter of life.

I'm also so happy that I get to see yvonne and benoit and my fabulous cousin David who all hail NYC as their current abodes. What to do while there other then eat and sleep and see some fab art? Shop? Nahh, me? never!

I'm really going to miss my mum who's been with me every day since all the fated events of last August. It's the most time I've spent with her since I was a child. I hope I can remember how to do my own laundry... oops, did I just admit that?

Okay sleep... must happen now or else the rest will be impossible.

Happy New Year everyone. It's quite simply got to be fabulous!